Crowded House

I went home this past weekend because my older brother, a successful snob-of-a lawyer out of Tokyo, got some time off and was staying with my folks for a few days. Once everyone moves out of the house, those moments when you have the entire family under one roof gets scarce, especially when you have siblings (I have two) living overseas. Most Thanksgivings and Christmas usually consist of my parents, myself and our two mutts - with the occasional friends, neighbors and/or girlfriend (who turn into ex's) thrown into the mix.

My mother gets delighted when we come back, and overdoes everything: overcooking ridiculous amounts of food, taking gazillions of pictures of "everyone together,"and offering motherly "advice" (are you seeing someone? what are you eating?) that my brothers and I welcome at first due to nostalgic reasons and love, but eventually scorn because it simply becomes unbearable. Oh, my brothers and I get that she is happy to see her sons. All grown up. Out in the real world. But what's with all the questions? The interrogating? And no, the girl I'm seeing is not "kind of bitchy."

As for my father, he doesn't ask that many questions unless it's something that deals with electronics and the world wide web. These Q and A sessions between father and son tend to be extremely difficult - he once asked what a "Skype" was, what it does and how this particular "black magic" worked. He eventually lost patience, stormed out of the room and called Skype a "piece of sh!t." (translated from Japanese)

And finally there's my visiting brother. Initially, you're glad to see him and everything goes great. You talk, drink a few beers, watch the game... you know, act like typical brothers who haven't seen each other in a while. But then he starts "borrowing" stuff. Your favorite sweatshirt. Your car. All without asking, throwing you and your daily rhythm completely off. He leaves a destructive path in the bathroom, without cleaning any of it (I'm big bro, and you're little bro mentality). And the icing on the cake? He has formed various opinions concerning the world that doesn't gel at all with your own. He's become an opinionated snob (and he feels the same way about you).

This begs the question: how did I live with these people - my family for cryin' out loud - for all these years without going postal? When we get together now, nobody gives the other any space to breathe - and it's got nothing to do with the size of the house. Everybody's in everyone's friggin' business. Why are my loved ones so annoying?

That's when it hit me: we're not that same family anymore. The one from yesteryear that used to eat at the same dinner table. The one that used to ride in the same car. The one that used to watch the same movies and same TV shows. The one that used to live under the same roof. This should be obvious, right? But it took me a while to reach this conclusion.

Which make these scarce gatherings bittersweet in so many ways. It made me laugh thinking about my family's dynamics from back in the day, and how it all sort of...worked out. We're all changing. We're older, wiser and better. We're supposed to annoy the hell out of each other because that's what people who care about each other do. Especially now that we're all living apart.

All of us need a healthy dose of family - but be careful on the dosage: even too much of a good thing can end up killing you.